I need to .. [see picture]

Ugh. I really need to do English homework, yet I find it so hard to start. I'm doing almost everything possible to avoid it. And that's bad, because it's going to be there undone and staring at me no matter how long I wait. It's not that I don't like the assignment, nor is it that the work is tedious and boring. Actually, I don't know if any of those are true, seeing as I haven't really began yet. So frustrating... ugh. Ah well. Time to..

Huh.

School concert today. Scared me. Glad it's over. The lack of unity was terribly frightening. Plus the fact that I can never hear my own section. That's why when Philip breaks down, oh man, so do I. So do I. And when he's not there, even worse. I need him. Agh. I need a section that supports me! Okay, fine. A section that supports itself. There, better?

Hoang's observant. Either that or I'm transparent. Didn't know terror was spelled out that clearly on my face.

Lots of music stuff these few days. Music, music, musickkkkk. SJYS concert past on the 9th, school concert today, musical rehearsals several times this week, SJYS Season of Hope concert this Friday, musical performances this weekend, SJYS rehearsal Mondayyyy.. eww. At least school's almost over.

Lots of essays and tests going on this week. Eek. I'm surprised we all haven't developed severe cases of herpesvirus yet. Hah. That's from bio. And a bio buddy said to me online: but i don't want you to go to sleep without working on essay. Haha. Feel the love.

I think the reason I don't post a lot is because I don't think a lot. At least not in a way that one could read as script. I think in music a lot of the time. Whatever's in my head, isn't words. It's music. Words only come when I observe or attempt to analyze or speculate things.

- - - edit Thurs. 12/14/06 0141

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion.You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.Most things in your life are organized and planned well.But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism.You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Found this fairly accurate. The conscientious part and the openness to experience, both of those thought too highly of me. A bit of the same with regards to agreeableness.

What Technology Soon Possibly Can Do? Scares me.

Check this out: http://news.blogs.nytimes.com/?p=100#respond. But first read the article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/05/health/05essa.html.

It's scary. It's like Gattaca - where you're able to choose your child's genes. Ugh. Chilling stuff. I freeze up thinking about it.

Will the Cat Die?

just curious.

johari window

vs.

nohari window

click ^ & do.

- - -

i guess humans are inherently.. overly-concerned about themselves. hah. oh well, in this instance.

The United State of Humanity

"Militias come to funerals and offer to carry out revenge attacks. Gunmen execute blindfolded people in full public view. Mortars are lobbed between Sunni and Shiite neighborhoods. Sometimes the killers seem to be seeking specific people who were involved in earlier attacks, but many victims lose their lives simply to even out the sectarian toll." -Cycle of Revenge Fuels a Pattern of Iraqi Killings, NY Times 20th Nov 2006.

Why do we as global citizens, citizens of The United State of Humanity and not those of America nor Britain nor Russia nor China nor Argentina nor Greece nor Qatar nor any other country in the world, why do we love power and wealth and tangible riches far more than we do the well-being of our fellow citizens, most of whom possess far less freedoms than we? Why do we fail to see that 'their' blood is comme ours, that 'their' children are comme ours, that 'they' wish to come by health and happiness the way we do?

Some will argue that the Game Theory holds true even when the game is Life; they say that as humans we will always protect ourselves (even) at the expense of others. They assert that such reaction is natural, inherent, inborn. And some believe otherwise. But it matters not. What matters is that such doctrine SHOULD NOT BE, not here. This 'protection' we cling onto is due to an unwillingness to step out of our comfort zones, an unwillingness to pay for our fellow human beings to hold the same freedoms we do. It's selfish.

梁山伯與茱麗葉 Liang Shan Bo and Juliet

ahhh i've totally fallen in love with this song. ^ ^

Background info about Liang Shan Bo (梁山伯) and Ju Ying Tai (祝英台): Lovers from the Chinese story "The Butterfly Lovers"; Chinese equivalent to "Romeo and Juliet"; more info here.

卓文萱 feat.曹格 - 梁山伯與茱麗葉


梁山伯與茱麗葉 by 卓文萱 feat. 曹格
Liang Shan Bo and Juliet by Zhuo Wen Xuan feat. Gary Gao Ge

曹：我的心想唱首歌給妳聽　歌詞是如此的甜蜜
Gary: My heart wants to sing a song for you / the lyrics are so sweet　　
可是我害羞　我沒有勇氣　等妳說一句我愛你
But I'm shy / I have no courage / I'm waiting for you to say to me "I love you"
卓：為什麼你還是不言不語　難道你不懂我的心
Zhuo: Why haven't you said anything yet? / Could it be that you don't understand my feelings for you?
不管你用什麼方式表明　我會對你說我願意
I don't care how you show me (you love me) / I will say to you I'm ready
曹：千言萬語裏 隻要一句話能表白我的心
Gary: Out of all the words out there, there is only one sentence that can vindicate my heart
卓：千言萬語裏 隻要一句話就
Zhuo: Out of all the words out there, there is only one sentence that
合：能夠讓我們相偎相依
Both: Can express our closeness and need for each other
曹：我愛妳　妳是我的茱麗葉(卓:茱麗葉)
Gary: I love you / You are my Juliet (Zhuo: Juliet)
我願意變成妳的梁山伯
I'm willing to become your Liang Shan Bo
合：幸福的每一天　浪漫的每一夜
Both: For every day to be happy / For every night to be romantic
卓：把愛不放開
Zhuo: To hold onto love
曹：因為 Ｉ ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ
Gary: Because I love you
卓：我愛你　你是我的羅密歐(曹:羅密歐)
Zhuo: I love you / You are my Romeo (Gary: Romeo)
我願意變成你的祝英台
I'm willing to become your Zhu Ying Tai
合：幸福的每一天　浪漫的每一夜
Both: For every day to be happy / For every night to be romantic　　
美麗的愛情祝福著　未來
This beautiful love a blessing for the future

lyrics credited to this site.

pretty easy translation, but i admit some parts are rough. i'm always up for improvements, so just say something! : )

We're free!

I just fired someone today, one of our former board members for Amnesty (International; AI). I suppose I was a bit disappointed at the onset, but that feeling quickly turned into one of giddiness and joy. Call me evil. But no, it's like.. we're liberated! Actually, I thank the guy for being honest with us at least, if not for being evasive. But yeah, so now we're going to rev things up, make things more interesting. Looking into more major activities and projects for the near future. Speeding things up. It's like.. mediocre doesn't cut it anymore. If even the board doesn't care.. we have to change things up! Have to, have to, have to. No buts. Haha. I'm excited. Let's get our toes out of the water and dive right in! There's a wealth of treasures to be discovered, a hoard of information to be devoured, a store of resources to be explored. : )














So that wasn't the only good thing that happened today; our math test got moved back to Wednesday, and the tutoring session after school really helped. I was surprised, actually, never having had real brain-needing classes with either Jeff or David (some electives just don't make the cut; they count as .. fair wastes of precious time). But yeah, I was rather dubious about the whole tutoring thing as I hadn't had something as complicated as calc explained to me by either of those two good fellows before. And look, now I think I'm starting to grasp concepts, put them together. Yay. ^ ^

Think that's it for now; I'll go study while the euphoria lasts.

---edit---

"And this [...] spirit yearning in desire to follow knowledge like a sinking star, beyond the utmost bound of human thought", 'tis me.

The above, save the last two words, from "Ulysses", Lord Alfred Tennyson.

Smoke!

I smelled smoke when bringing in the laundry today. I don't mind its smell. In fact, I rather like it, a feeling different from those of many people. I sympathize with those who can't stand it for health reasons, but. I like smoke. It reminds me of a home away from here, of incense and family barbeques and a grandmother's gruff love. Of death and life and fun and warmth. It's a . comforting, smell. Not the smell of burning carbon, that's disgusting, just the smell of smoke itself. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Twilight brings the shouts of neighborhood children, the gleeful shrieks, delighted laughter. Leaves of orange and golden yellow, swirled in delicate patterns, 飄 amidst an autumn breeze, a chill in the air that signals the coming of winter. The best word in place of piao above would be.. flutter. But in this case, as in many others, the original word trumps its translation.

---edit---

I've been going online far less this week than before. It all started because I simply didn't feel the need to sign on, but I found that even during the next few days, I didn't need to sign on. And I think it's been a good thing, not going on AIM. I've finished homework earlier most days last week, and I've been more calm overall, at least, regarding things I need to get done. It's given me more time to myself, more time to reflect and spend with God. So.. I think that means I'll be going on AIM a lot less in the near future as well. : ) Yay for phone calls and email in the absence of personal meetings. Not IMs.

Hm. Cleaned out my large pile of NY Times today. Threw out a lot of Arts and Dining and Biz and whatnot. Kept front page and some other miscellaneous. Need to read and catch up. Oh. That reminds me. Not going on AIM has also helped curb some of my vapid, pointless, time-wasting internet surfing, and I've since then vowed to spend that time reading material salutary to the improvement of the mind. Starting Sen and getting back to Beirut. : )

Clouds and wind and curlicues, peace and calm, serenity.

Just had to end on a more abstract note. :D

Pensive. Comtemplative.

Wind and rain and clouds and snowflakes.
Sun and hail and chill and dew.
Breeze and blows and blinding blue.
Droplets, moonbeams, lights too few.
Tempest.

The blending of melodies.
Intertwining of harmonies.
Flowing, running, streaming lines.
Voices crying, straining sighs.
Improvisation.

Passion.

Kindred spirits.

--EHC

Excuses.

就算是我不懂 能不能原谅我
請不要把分手當作你的請求
我知道堅持要走 是你受傷的藉口
請你回頭　我會陪你一直走到最後

就算沒有結果 我也能夠承受
我知道你的痛　是我給的承諾
你說給過我縱容　沉默是因為包容
如果要走　請你記得我　如果難過　請你忘了我

- - -
















<3

Scared. Studying? Metacognition.

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." -Albert Einstein

Got that from neuro two summers ago; from a lecture on metacognition. Good quote, to be discussed another day; found it in my notes today while.. searching for that metacognition lecture. Metacognition is basically knowing how one learns, knowing the realistic limits to learning based on the previous fact, and knowing how one learns best. Something like that.

So why was I searching for that? Because.. I need to learn how to study in order to learn best. And I shall detail that here. I should be annotating for Crowther, but this three-headed dog of a subject has bothered me far too long. I usually manage to chain it up and keep it submerged in the mind's abyss, but it has escaped me now. Here tis.

I find that time is catching up with me. Or.. harder-to-digest intellectual material is. I used to be able to read things a lot more quickly, and understand and remember them better too. Not sure about that second part. But, I'm scared that as the academic material this year increases in difficulty and I find myself drawn to more intellectual pieces of writing, I will not be able to keep up with the authors' messages and rhetorical strategies.. the arguments, the logic, themindsets behind them, how they're used, blah blah blah. Wow, English does play a large part in our lives; it's kinda scary.

But the true scary part is.. I'm not sure how to evolve my studying and annotating and whatnot habits, how to prune them in a manner that will allow me to reap ripe fruits of mental labor. The word evolve here is part of a masquerade. Actually, the first sentence of this paragraph is totally wrong; it should read: I have absolutely no idea as to how to read/study/annotate/blah in a way that I'll be able to remember at least most of what I read/studied/annotated/blahhed afterwards. It's like DNA. I have strands of chromatin, and I need to condense them into two chromatids, which I need to join by a centromere to make up.. chromosomes. And I'm currently lost as how to take all this chromatin and make even chromatids. Ahh.. the woes of biology analogies. Eww. I'm hoping that reinforces some concepts here.

But yeah. That's the thing. I don't know how to reinforce concepts, how to forge links and chains and all that stuff needed to bind myriad bits of potential knowledge together. Anyone out there with good study tips, especially for the humanities? And please don't tell me that based on what you make of my grades that I already know how to study. I don't know the meaning of the word "study" because I've never needed to, sad to say, but since now I do need to, I am at a complete loss. The most I've ever done "studying" for examinations of any sort was take notes in a relatively unorganized fashion and look over words here and there. I don't believe I've soldered anything together for a long time.

I'm scared of falling behind, of not understanding all the stuff out there that there is to understand, of not learning all there is to learn.

as;ldfhasofhsa;klh;a blah. I think I'll go ask those professors of humanities tomorrow. gah. Suggestions from peers are always welcome though. Most powerhouses are aware of what they do to retain information. I think. I'm aware of what I don't.

Powerhouses

Studied for English today with some definite powerhouses, honored to have been able to partake in such a venture, hope the test goes well, but am rather pessimistic about it. Don't feel ready, need to solder links of knowledge, unlikely it'll be done well, or even done. As of now they lie around clanking aimlessly. It'd be nice if the four of us scored well, would ensure .. that we know what we're doing. It'd be like the Fantastic Four or something, something to take pride in. Which would be nice. I repeat the word for lack of a better adjective. Actually there's more behind that but as it's late and my head hurts, I have no motivation to find the words I would use.

Good feeling to be able to utilize at least intermediate vocabulary in ordinary conversations, as it doesn't happen often, unless it's with CTY kids or a select few others. On a separate note, discussion is good mental stimulation.

It only costs $1.65 to send a couple of letters to Sudan. Cool beans. Doubt we'll get a reply, but hey, our letters count for something.


Bolded the part that struck me most, but only in the 1st stanza. 2nd one's good too but haven't taken time to read more into it.

"Flower-Gathering" by Robert Frost, A Boy's Will

I left you in the morning,
And in the morning glow,
You walked a way beside me
To make me sad to go.
Do you know me in the gloaming,
Gaunt and dusty gray with roaming?
Are you dumb because you know me not,
Or dumb because you know?

All for me?
And not a question
For the faded flowers gay
That could take me from beside you
For the ages of a day?
They are yours,
and be the measure
Of their worth for you to treasure,
The measure of the little while
That I've been long away.

- - -

Tired. Will attempt to spend tomorrow catching up on NY Times and catching up with God. Goodbye for now.

Once in a Dozen Years

I went out and looked for the moon tonight at 20:14, when it was supposed to be fullest, but it was obscured by clouds. : ( No matter, went out again after 40 minutes, saw it at its brightest. Look! It happens to be the Chinese Lunar Festival today, and for other reasons that I know naught of the moon won't be this bright for another 12 years!

If you stare at the white light, it becomes dim, then enhanced, dim, then enhanced. And so on. :D

Hm. Start of a new blog; decided to abandon xanga as many posts there (esp. the old ones) reflect what I consider a very immature nature, and are not something I can be proud of. Besides, my last post there felt very forced. Parts of it were laborious and deliberate to the point where I felt anger subside just upon typing them, because they were so.. principled. Hah. If you didn't get that, no worries, whatever. Actually, I'd been interested in signing up for blogspot quite a while ago, but never did cuz.. I dunno. I was inspired to sign up by Corrinne May actually; she's Singaporean, sings in English, and has a really wise outlook on life. good role model : )

these lyrics remind me of junior year at times.

L I T T L E S U P E R H E R O G I R L
written by Corrinne May Ying Foo

first stanza; best one:

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world a better place

and another stanza, think it's the third:

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark, but don't bite

- - -

another inspiration for us all, in the sense that he does what he feels is right amidst hardship.