A Piece of Peace?

I can hardly believe it... Richard Sim from SJYS passed away yesterday with a heart attack. Of all people, Richard? Richard Sim? Dear God, what was Your reason for this I cannot know, but I'm praying for his family. I'm praying for his family.

I remember... how he was in Bus 3 in Spain, and he peed in a bottle 'cause he couldn't hold it. I found out when we made a midnight stop at a mini-mart. The word is that Yair literally ordered the bus driver to stop so Richard could pee. And then how he always joked around with Scott and Bo about farting, how he occasionally did fart in rehearsal, and how he could make even taciturn Jamie smile. And how he didn't mind being the butt of most of Yair's jokes, how he could laugh at himself while poking fun of others. How I thought he was a senior in Spain when it turns out he was just a sophomore. How he probably didn't even know my name, but when he saw me making friendship bracelets during rests once at Castillejo, before Spain, he asked me to make one for him. Black and red, I still remember. I didn't have thick-enough thread, so I used double layers and wrapped it around brown yarn. And he still wore it. How when he was Second Violin Co-Chair with Sharon, he'd be so into the music, his poise showing a tad of self-confidence that was defeated when his bowings and Sharon's didn't match. His charisma and the way he'd punch the guys around and they'd poke at his buff self, which played high school football. How his head drooped with shame when Yair reprimanded him for our section, because he truly respected the man. Richard and Yair were chums. How he'd go around slapping guys on the back before making his way back to his concertmaster seat after breaks. His studded earrings, basketball shoes and shorts, and tight-fitting T-shirts. His tiny eyes and ever-showing teeth, mouth oft curved upward. How Lizzie treated him like a younger brother in Spain. The duet he did with Jamie one summer at camp, and "I Love Yair" song he sang the next. How he'd puke after gamely going through 7-8 rounds of Fear Factor. His eating so much that the hoppers would have to go back about 5 rounds just for him. Especially that one time when we had fish. Richard and eight pieces of fish and dressing = hilarious. It was so fun watching him stuff himself silly. Everyone loved Richard. The counselors, the kids, Yair. I always wondered, after I left SJYS, what happened to Richard. I wish I couldn't know what I know now.

Richard Sim, rest in peace. I pray the Lord takes care of you, wherever you are. I wish I could hear you laugh, just one more time. Then it'd feel like things are right with SJYS, that things are right with the world, that everything's going to be okay. Maybe it's bad to have waited til your death to say this, but you're one of the people that make up SJYS. Without you, it truly wouldn't have been the same. Richard Sim, I thank you for your presence, for giving me some of my best memories. Rest in peace.

- - -

Richard's the first person around my age whom I've known who has passed away. It was a sudden shock, saddening, and it sure puts things into perspective. It urges me to carpe diem, for tomorrow may never arrive.

Quo Vadis?

In the past few weeks we've had irresponsible military junta handling Burmese cyclone aid, substandard building codes that led to many deaths in the Chinese earthquake, unprincipled UN workers exploiting children for sex, and so much more to show us that there exists a lot of evil and selfishness in the world.

Still I say: "It is possible to become discouraged about the injustice we see everywhere. But God did not promise us that the world would be humane and just. He gives us the gift of life and allows us to choose the way we will use our limited time on earth. It is an awesome opportunity." - César Chavez

High school's just about over -- in less than 4 days, my classmates and I will have graduated.

I was gardening with my mom yesterday evening, and after I'd dumped the weeds out of the large pot I'd been using to store them, I noticed, for the first time in a long while, the moonlight. It caressed the pot softly, its eyes sparkling as it excitedly coaxed out the tannish sidelong whites and celadon greens in a way ever gentle. I beamed. Moonlight and pots, splendid, indeed.

Later I wanted to ask my mother if she minded sharing -- me. Do mothers have a hard time sharing their children? My mother has become significantly more attached to me in the past two months, ever since we found out I'll be 3,000 miles away come fall, 3,000 miles for four college years.

I thought about it. My mother and mothers in general have to share their children with teachers, preachers, other children, other parents, employers, friends, random people you meet at the post office or the grocery mart, and more. Is it difficult giving up your child's time and attention to others whose intentions you do not fully understand?

I realize the near-certain redundancy of my question, but I don't believe I'll be able to fully appreciate the whys behind the answer until I become a mother myself. It's one of those situations you have to experience for yourself to understand.