Irony: something other than expected. A basic definition. Oh, the irony. Irony, irony, irony. Related to ire? No.
Laziness, lethargy, unproductivity. Biting me where it hurts. Lovely. Shall eradicate all those by tonight. Deadlines aid.
Disappointment? With what? Not exactly. Substitutions for what one can't have. Fool? The unknown.
Cranky and splenetic as of late. Excuses.
Pictures painted, codenames ciphered, music messaged, words withdrawn.
Slit and slashed.
They're gone.
- - -
Under the shadow of your wings
Here in the secret place of your holiness
I will wait on you, O Lord, my God and King
Here in the Holiest of All
You draw me near with love to abandon all
For the sake of knowing you, my God and King
CHORUS:
Hide me in the shelter of your love
Deep in the center of your heart, my Lord
How I want to know you more
And keep me in the shadow of your wings
Safe in the secret place of holiness
How I need you more and more
(And more and more)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
A Promise.
Amartya Sen and Tom Friedman, I hold you both in very high regards, but now I have to add another man to the list: Mr. Jeffrey Sachs. You are awesome. I really don't understand - I say I detest and have little interest in economics (what's the point, money in, money out) but then I love it when it's related to sustainable development and growth (IPE love!).
And after/in between all that I have a number of other books I would like to finish. First there's Christina Hoff Sommers's The War Against Boys, Ishmael Beah's A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier, and Hemmingway's Farewell to Arms. Then there's John's book of essays that I'm considering flipping through, but more importantly I want to start Faust. Ahhhh okay, we WILL get this done. Hopefully, putting this up for the whole world to see will remind me that I need and want to read, if only because I'd said I would. Ah, there's summer reading too. Lovely.
On a lighter note,
-got to see Emily and friends, chouette.
-HP5 movie at midnight with the girls and sleepover at Kimsa's, yay.
-Janice is hilarious and awesome to talk to.
I shall find a way around the ways of the world. If there lies no path, I will make one, God help me. Thank you to those who provide advice and/or sentiment and/or experience. It means a lot to me, because I really do believe that the reason for our existence on earth extends beyond self-gratification, that we all have a higher calling somewhere.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
What I Miss.
It is July now. How fast goeth by time. I was going to type "goes," but accidental pressing on the keyboard gave me a "t," and I improvised, made do. Which reminds me, I must start Faust.
I had something to write before I came to this page. Now I've forgotten. Which means I lack focus. A bad thing. I need to work on that.
My laptop is humming. I wonder if all this wasted energy given off is harmful to one's health. They say waves (I don't know what sort) from cell phones can bring tumors. Interesting. At first I thought, well telephones have been around for a long time and no one's gotten sick. But then I remembered that telephones were more of the electrical sort.
Since I can't recall what I'd wanted to say earlier, I'll write something else. (Edit: The second chunk came out more forced than the first. Apologies. It was just something that I segued into, not something I'd originally planned to write. I've gone over it with an earnest and sincere heart, and I believe I've made many changes for the better.)
I've decided this will be a summer of Renaissance for me. I have no formal academic obligations, and only retail work to otherwise occupy my time, so I shall spend summer reading and writing and learning on my own. Maybe something nice and academic will come up, but for now I shall stay out of classes' way. I really don't want to be stuck in a classroom with a teacher/professor and thirty other students for a set amount of time every week. I think that as much as junior year has brought me substance, its large amount of "class" sucked some life out of me. I do not wish to enter senior year mentally lethargic and fatigued, and I think being in a mediocre and mundane intellectual environment would drain my energies far more than I desire. I'm looking to learn, but not in the traditional classroom setting.
And.. that's the only bad thing about not doing CTY this year. I admit I do miss the lanyard swinging, the hall bonding, mandatory social time, random chatting in the cafeterias, and chumming with the others by way of Ultimate or a good game of ERS, but what I truly miss more than anything is the intensely high level of academic discussion I'd come by. I'd always feel like the stupidest one in class at CTY, but I really didn't mind, because no one else did either. I was able to ask questions without being scorned, and I really enjoyed that. As you might imagine, I asked a lot of questions, especially during my first summer. Why? I was afraid of falling even more behind all those other people to whom I felt at a disadvantage to at the start, people whose minds I could not seem to keep up with. It was really refreshing being the dumb one for a change and not having anyone look down on me for having questions. I liked just sitting there and listening to more knowledgeable folk animatedly explain concepts that had previously seemed abstract, to critical thinkers present discerning views on complex issues, to spirited and lively debaters speak on issues that affect us on a level beyond ourselves, on an international scale. I was constantly in wonder of how my classmates had become the way they were, of what kinds of environments they must have grown up in to become so learned. I always felt like I'd come from some sort of a disadvantaged background, but deep down I knew that wasn't so. It was simply that other peoples' opportunities in their communities were more socially acceptable, more easily attainable. And boy, did they attain. Many of these people, these classmates of mine, had minds like they were from another world, and it was truly amazing.
My experiences could have been very intimidating, of that I am sure. On the contrary, friendly faces made it the exact opposite right from the start. The opinions and personalities were so wonderfully diverse; one felt so comfortable among everyone. And it was wonderful sampling all the thoughts and just absorbing it all. There was so much out there. I really couldn't have asked for anything more.
That is what I miss.
I had something to write before I came to this page. Now I've forgotten. Which means I lack focus. A bad thing. I need to work on that.
My laptop is humming. I wonder if all this wasted energy given off is harmful to one's health. They say waves (I don't know what sort) from cell phones can bring tumors. Interesting. At first I thought, well telephones have been around for a long time and no one's gotten sick. But then I remembered that telephones were more of the electrical sort.
Since I can't recall what I'd wanted to say earlier, I'll write something else. (Edit: The second chunk came out more forced than the first. Apologies. It was just something that I segued into, not something I'd originally planned to write. I've gone over it with an earnest and sincere heart, and I believe I've made many changes for the better.)
I've decided this will be a summer of Renaissance for me. I have no formal academic obligations, and only retail work to otherwise occupy my time, so I shall spend summer reading and writing and learning on my own. Maybe something nice and academic will come up, but for now I shall stay out of classes' way. I really don't want to be stuck in a classroom with a teacher/professor and thirty other students for a set amount of time every week. I think that as much as junior year has brought me substance, its large amount of "class" sucked some life out of me. I do not wish to enter senior year mentally lethargic and fatigued, and I think being in a mediocre and mundane intellectual environment would drain my energies far more than I desire. I'm looking to learn, but not in the traditional classroom setting.
And.. that's the only bad thing about not doing CTY this year. I admit I do miss the lanyard swinging, the hall bonding, mandatory social time, random chatting in the cafeterias, and chumming with the others by way of Ultimate or a good game of ERS, but what I truly miss more than anything is the intensely high level of academic discussion I'd come by. I'd always feel like the stupidest one in class at CTY, but I really didn't mind, because no one else did either. I was able to ask questions without being scorned, and I really enjoyed that. As you might imagine, I asked a lot of questions, especially during my first summer. Why? I was afraid of falling even more behind all those other people to whom I felt at a disadvantage to at the start, people whose minds I could not seem to keep up with. It was really refreshing being the dumb one for a change and not having anyone look down on me for having questions. I liked just sitting there and listening to more knowledgeable folk animatedly explain concepts that had previously seemed abstract, to critical thinkers present discerning views on complex issues, to spirited and lively debaters speak on issues that affect us on a level beyond ourselves, on an international scale. I was constantly in wonder of how my classmates had become the way they were, of what kinds of environments they must have grown up in to become so learned. I always felt like I'd come from some sort of a disadvantaged background, but deep down I knew that wasn't so. It was simply that other peoples' opportunities in their communities were more socially acceptable, more easily attainable. And boy, did they attain. Many of these people, these classmates of mine, had minds like they were from another world, and it was truly amazing.
My experiences could have been very intimidating, of that I am sure. On the contrary, friendly faces made it the exact opposite right from the start. The opinions and personalities were so wonderfully diverse; one felt so comfortable among everyone. And it was wonderful sampling all the thoughts and just absorbing it all. There was so much out there. I really couldn't have asked for anything more.
That is what I miss.
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