I can hardly believe it... Richard Sim from SJYS passed away yesterday with a heart attack. Of all people, Richard? Richard Sim? Dear God, what was Your reason for this I cannot know, but I'm praying for his family. I'm praying for his family.
I remember... how he was in Bus 3 in Spain, and he peed in a bottle 'cause he couldn't hold it. I found out when we made a midnight stop at a mini-mart. The word is that Yair literally ordered the bus driver to stop so Richard could pee. And then how he always joked around with Scott and Bo about farting, how he occasionally did fart in rehearsal, and how he could make even taciturn Jamie smile. And how he didn't mind being the butt of most of Yair's jokes, how he could laugh at himself while poking fun of others. How I thought he was a senior in Spain when it turns out he was just a sophomore. How he probably didn't even know my name, but when he saw me making friendship bracelets during rests once at Castillejo, before Spain, he asked me to make one for him. Black and red, I still remember. I didn't have thick-enough thread, so I used double layers and wrapped it around brown yarn. And he still wore it. How when he was Second Violin Co-Chair with Sharon, he'd be so into the music, his poise showing a tad of self-confidence that was defeated when his bowings and Sharon's didn't match. His charisma and the way he'd punch the guys around and they'd poke at his buff self, which played high school football. How his head drooped with shame when Yair reprimanded him for our section, because he truly respected the man. Richard and Yair were chums. How he'd go around slapping guys on the back before making his way back to his concertmaster seat after breaks. His studded earrings, basketball shoes and shorts, and tight-fitting T-shirts. His tiny eyes and ever-showing teeth, mouth oft curved upward. How Lizzie treated him like a younger brother in Spain. The duet he did with Jamie one summer at camp, and "I Love Yair" song he sang the next. How he'd puke after gamely going through 7-8 rounds of Fear Factor. His eating so much that the hoppers would have to go back about 5 rounds just for him. Especially that one time when we had fish. Richard and eight pieces of fish and dressing = hilarious. It was so fun watching him stuff himself silly. Everyone loved Richard. The counselors, the kids, Yair. I always wondered, after I left SJYS, what happened to Richard. I wish I couldn't know what I know now.
Richard Sim, rest in peace. I pray the Lord takes care of you, wherever you are. I wish I could hear you laugh, just one more time. Then it'd feel like things are right with SJYS, that things are right with the world, that everything's going to be okay. Maybe it's bad to have waited til your death to say this, but you're one of the people that make up SJYS. Without you, it truly wouldn't have been the same. Richard Sim, I thank you for your presence, for giving me some of my best memories. Rest in peace.
- - -
Richard's the first person around my age whom I've known who has passed away. It was a sudden shock, saddening, and it sure puts things into perspective. It urges me to carpe diem, for tomorrow may never arrive.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Quo Vadis?
In the past few weeks we've had irresponsible military junta handling Burmese cyclone aid, substandard building codes that led to many deaths in the Chinese earthquake, unprincipled UN workers exploiting children for sex, and so much more to show us that there exists a lot of evil and selfishness in the world.
Still I say: "It is possible to become discouraged about the injustice we see everywhere. But God did not promise us that the world would be humane and just. He gives us the gift of life and allows us to choose the way we will use our limited time on earth. It is an awesome opportunity." - César Chavez
High school's just about over -- in less than 4 days, my classmates and I will have graduated.
I was gardening with my mom yesterday evening, and after I'd dumped the weeds out of the large pot I'd been using to store them, I noticed, for the first time in a long while, the moonlight. It caressed the pot softly, its eyes sparkling as it excitedly coaxed out the tannish sidelong whites and celadon greens in a way ever gentle. I beamed. Moonlight and pots, splendid, indeed.
Later I wanted to ask my mother if she minded sharing -- me. Do mothers have a hard time sharing their children? My mother has become significantly more attached to me in the past two months, ever since we found out I'll be 3,000 miles away come fall, 3,000 miles for four college years.
I thought about it. My mother and mothers in general have to share their children with teachers, preachers, other children, other parents, employers, friends, random people you meet at the post office or the grocery mart, and more. Is it difficult giving up your child's time and attention to others whose intentions you do not fully understand?
I realize the near-certain redundancy of my question, but I don't believe I'll be able to fully appreciate the whys behind the answer until I become a mother myself. It's one of those situations you have to experience for yourself to understand.
Still I say: "It is possible to become discouraged about the injustice we see everywhere. But God did not promise us that the world would be humane and just. He gives us the gift of life and allows us to choose the way we will use our limited time on earth. It is an awesome opportunity." - César Chavez
High school's just about over -- in less than 4 days, my classmates and I will have graduated.
I was gardening with my mom yesterday evening, and after I'd dumped the weeds out of the large pot I'd been using to store them, I noticed, for the first time in a long while, the moonlight. It caressed the pot softly, its eyes sparkling as it excitedly coaxed out the tannish sidelong whites and celadon greens in a way ever gentle. I beamed. Moonlight and pots, splendid, indeed.
Later I wanted to ask my mother if she minded sharing -- me. Do mothers have a hard time sharing their children? My mother has become significantly more attached to me in the past two months, ever since we found out I'll be 3,000 miles away come fall, 3,000 miles for four college years.
I thought about it. My mother and mothers in general have to share their children with teachers, preachers, other children, other parents, employers, friends, random people you meet at the post office or the grocery mart, and more. Is it difficult giving up your child's time and attention to others whose intentions you do not fully understand?
I realize the near-certain redundancy of my question, but I don't believe I'll be able to fully appreciate the whys behind the answer until I become a mother myself. It's one of those situations you have to experience for yourself to understand.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Mercurial Melancholy
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air.
Frightening feelings of fragility. Tumultuous times of temerity.
Moody since last week, mulling over matters unmanageable. Dejected upon learning some really neat people decided to rep Bulldogs instead of Crimson. Very dejected. Went through own period of self-doubt soon after. Thought perhaps should've visited Yale. Didn't know if would bond with Harvard or not. But too late. Will admit don't mind the school. Interested, at least. Then hesitated about prom, yes/no. Volatile soul. Finally reconciled with Harvard. We're good now. Excited. Figured Yale was just a temptation. God knew my fickle self probably would've been been seduced by ol' Elihu. Then would've come an irrational decision, though I'm not sure what I would've done. But anyway, sometimes I get the feeling I'm still in Cambridge. It's like I zone out or something. But then the camera lens refocuses and I'm back in San Jose doing whatever. Sigh. Hah. Mostly want high school to hurry up and just get itself over with. Poignant songs in Chinese school that sum up life and living make me rethink that, though. Now just floating, in limbo, sort of. APs, whatever. Let's get 'em over with.
Come, summer, come.
On a sidenote, I realize I listen to a lot of R&B when I'm feelin' cheerless.
Reminder: Amigurumi.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
after letters have come out, before SIRs go in
To all the Prefrosh kids,
"May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand." -Old Irish Blessing
Yeah, I suppose that does sound more like something one would say at a graduation, but that's okay.
Prefrosh wasn't perfect. Harvard was more intertwined with the city (Cambridge) than I'd expected, there was quite a bit of aesthetically unappealing construction going on, and the distance between Harvardian buildings made for what seemed like a lack of community feel. Also, having been spoiled with experiences in nice dorms over summers past, I momentarily didn't factor in just how old was Harvard. One more thing, my fault - those past summer experiences led me to expect a more structured visiting program, so I was a bit bummed when certain lectures/events were canceled.
After I realized what sort of an environment Harvard really was offering, though, that it was giving us the real deal, that it wasn't changing its day-to-day plans to try to convince us Prefrosh to come, things got better. :) I Had fun meeting people and adopting them every once in a while into our group, and just walking and talking and exploring Harvard and the Square and the surrounding area, which is gorgeous at night when all the shops are lit up. Half the time we missed events we planned to attend, being super-late and lax and everything, but it was still cool. Good conversation without the the typical emotional barriers that come with meeting new people.
"If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth." - Mitsugi Saotome
Miss ya'll already, and hope to see you in the fall!
- - -
One of my summer plans is reading. I'll probably get some titles from what fellow Prefrosh on the Facebook group are recommending, but here's what I have so far. Give me a title, and I'll put it on the list, with your name after the author's. Most of these are from NY Times and other random reading lists, but a few are personal recommendations.
My now-that-college-anticipation-and-other-ballyhoo-is-over reading list :)
Louisa May Alcott
William Butler Yeats
Robert Frost
1. The Small Rain - Madeleine L'Engle - Kimsa
2. The Coldest Winter - Daniel Halberstam
3. Seeing Things - Seamus Heaney
4. Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
5. Musicophilia - Oliver Sacks
6. Freakonomics - Steven D. Levitt and Stephen Dubner
7. Guns, Germs, and Steel - Jared Diamond
8. The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities for Our Time - Jeffrey Sachs
9. The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court - Jeffrey Toobin
10. Little Heathens: Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression - Mildred Armstrong Kalish
11. The Rest is Noise: Listening to the Twentieth Century - Alex Ross
12. Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
13. The Outsiders - S.E. Hinton - Carmen
14. Reason for Hope - Jane Goodall - JiaHui
15. Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card - Joseph
- - -
Summer plans in general - reading, violin, working out with RARE, crocheting, exploring life and hanging out with friends, job, dorm shopping, learning Latin+Spanish+Cantonese
- - -
I've got Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo" and "I can go the distance" from Hercules stuck in my head.
"I have often dreamed of a far off place [...]
[Where] a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday, I can go the distance.
I will find my way if I can be strong.
I know every mile would be worth my while,
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong."
"May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand." -Old Irish Blessing
Yeah, I suppose that does sound more like something one would say at a graduation, but that's okay.
Prefrosh wasn't perfect. Harvard was more intertwined with the city (Cambridge) than I'd expected, there was quite a bit of aesthetically unappealing construction going on, and the distance between Harvardian buildings made for what seemed like a lack of community feel. Also, having been spoiled with experiences in nice dorms over summers past, I momentarily didn't factor in just how old was Harvard. One more thing, my fault - those past summer experiences led me to expect a more structured visiting program, so I was a bit bummed when certain lectures/events were canceled.
After I realized what sort of an environment Harvard really was offering, though, that it was giving us the real deal, that it wasn't changing its day-to-day plans to try to convince us Prefrosh to come, things got better. :) I Had fun meeting people and adopting them every once in a while into our group, and just walking and talking and exploring Harvard and the Square and the surrounding area, which is gorgeous at night when all the shops are lit up. Half the time we missed events we planned to attend, being super-late and lax and everything, but it was still cool. Good conversation without the the typical emotional barriers that come with meeting new people.
"If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth." - Mitsugi Saotome
Miss ya'll already, and hope to see you in the fall!
- - -
One of my summer plans is reading. I'll probably get some titles from what fellow Prefrosh on the Facebook group are recommending, but here's what I have so far. Give me a title, and I'll put it on the list, with your name after the author's. Most of these are from NY Times and other random reading lists, but a few are personal recommendations.
My now-that-college-anticipation-and-other-ballyhoo-is-over reading list :)
Louisa May Alcott
William Butler Yeats
Robert Frost
1. The Small Rain - Madeleine L'Engle - Kimsa
2. The Coldest Winter - Daniel Halberstam
3. Seeing Things - Seamus Heaney
4. Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
5. Musicophilia - Oliver Sacks
6. Freakonomics - Steven D. Levitt and Stephen Dubner
7. Guns, Germs, and Steel - Jared Diamond
8. The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities for Our Time - Jeffrey Sachs
9. The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court - Jeffrey Toobin
10. Little Heathens: Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression - Mildred Armstrong Kalish
11. The Rest is Noise: Listening to the Twentieth Century - Alex Ross
12. Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
13. The Outsiders - S.E. Hinton - Carmen
14. Reason for Hope - Jane Goodall - JiaHui
15. Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card - Joseph
- - -
Summer plans in general - reading, violin, working out with RARE, crocheting, exploring life and hanging out with friends, job, dorm shopping, learning Latin+Spanish+Cantonese
- - -
I've got Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo" and "I can go the distance" from Hercules stuck in my head.
"I have often dreamed of a far off place [...]
[Where] a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday, I can go the distance.
I will find my way if I can be strong.
I know every mile would be worth my while,
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong."
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Meep. --> Whew!
The first part was written yesterday (4/14). The second, today.
- - -
My title ("Meep") sounds like something Jason would say. Lol.
Anyhow, Elena wants pineapples. Not to eat them - she's not hungry at the moment - just to have them. She wants sleep and no school and certain mail from Harvard to come soon. Pineapples bring comfort, sleep brings escape, no school makes more time for personal reading and music lists, and the mail would complete college decisions for now. Security.
I usually don't write in 3rd person, but at the moment I want(ed?) to complain without (personally) complaining. Yeah, call it immature. Whatever. My frustrations are primarily rooted in the college decision-making process.
0037. Okay, I'll finish this tomorrow. Sleep in a bit. English notes? Whatever. Agh. Not my current priority.
- - -
I'm very happy to say that the mail from Harvard part is no longer applicable. And because that piece of mail brought good news this afternoon, I committed to Harvard.
Funny. It's a relief to know where I'll be spending my next four years. Yay for a weight off my shoulders. May God use my new environment to mold me into the person He wants me to become.
P.S. Pineapples, sleep, and no school, however, all remain very desirable. :)
- - -
My title ("Meep") sounds like something Jason would say. Lol.
Anyhow, Elena wants pineapples. Not to eat them - she's not hungry at the moment - just to have them. She wants sleep and no school and certain mail from Harvard to come soon. Pineapples bring comfort, sleep brings escape, no school makes more time for personal reading and music lists, and the mail would complete college decisions for now. Security.
I usually don't write in 3rd person, but at the moment I want(ed?) to complain without (personally) complaining. Yeah, call it immature. Whatever. My frustrations are primarily rooted in the college decision-making process.
0037. Okay, I'll finish this tomorrow. Sleep in a bit. English notes? Whatever. Agh. Not my current priority.
- - -
I'm very happy to say that the mail from Harvard part is no longer applicable. And because that piece of mail brought good news this afternoon, I committed to Harvard.
Funny. It's a relief to know where I'll be spending my next four years. Yay for a weight off my shoulders. May God use my new environment to mold me into the person He wants me to become.
P.S. Pineapples, sleep, and no school, however, all remain very desirable. :)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Please
"S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo."
-Dante Alighieri, La Commedia Divina: Inferno, Canto XXVII.61-66
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo."
-Dante Alighieri, La Commedia Divina: Inferno, Canto XXVII.61-66
James Levine
BSO
André Previn
Gil Shaham
Seiji Ozawa
Kurt Masur
Yannick Nézet-Séguin
Alan Gilbert
"If I thought that I were speaking to a soul
Who someday might return to see the world,
most certainly this flame would cease to flicker;
but since no one, if I have heard the truth,
ever returns alive from this deep pit,
with no fear of dishonor I answer you . . . "
-Mark Musa
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Fruit Juice.
I'll be updating this, one line a day, from 2/24-3/31 or so.
2-24 hurly-burly ballyhoo upsilamba diddly-doo
2-25 knick-knack paddy-whack, give the dog a bone;
free your mind, don't be a drone
2-26 Look into the mirror, pray you, tell me, are you truly, fully satisfied with what you see?
2-27 I need a voice of reason in this mad and messy season.
2-28 High school is: standing for the slain, swimming through the pain, singing in the rain...
2-29 May we push through the barriers. May we clear high the fence. May we overcome without becoming undone. Give us strength, Lord. Meet us here.
3-1 The Guggenheim. MoMA. The Met. MoCCA. Lincoln Center.
3-2 As I look to the stars and the space / I can see, I can see His beautiful face / In the world of every boy and girl
3-3 Churning and burning the midnight oil.
3-4 Spinning dreamcatchers with colored yarn. Viva vividness, vibrancy, vitality, veracity.
3-5 Staying up late is okay sometimes. Not all the time. And then we have Scottish Fantasy vs Scotch Phantasy. Mvt. 4, of course.
3-6 Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away.
3-7 Flimsy, fickle, faint, fearful, flagrant vs. .. hm. Felicia! One "F" that trumps 'em all. :D By the way, Felicia, I just realized that I may have lost something(s) of extreme sentimental value. D: I'll include it in the email; you're gonna crack up. !!!
3-8 The art of separation, of detachment, arrival, and departure.
3-9 Spring forward, fall back.
3-10 When you're down on your knees / take a moment / say a prayer / pull your self / together / and Rise again
3-11 You're actin' kinda shady. Why the sudden change?
3-12 Disappearing act gone awry.
3-13 Little kids who do kung-fu are so cute! :D One reminded me of my little 10-year-old Korean cello boy, the Bi/Rain look-a-like, lol. Lion dancers were cool too.
3-14 I relish crowd-bonding over team sports. Goooooooo Sharks!
3-15 Time flies.
3-16 Opportunity is a beautiful word, as is grace.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11: 1 (NIV)
3-17 The Ides of March had some good after all.
3-18 Pronto!
3-19 Take heart! Be of good courage, and wait on the Lord. (Ps. 27)
3-20 Internal clock unbalanced.
3-21 5-second pause when I realized it was tomorrow.
3-22 Yay for kind strangers.
3-23 Shaun White boarding is so fun to watch! :D (This picture does him little justice, though; gotta watch TV/vids)
3-24 I don't smell like chlorine this time of year anymore. Mm.
3-25 It was excessive speculation that brought about the hair-raising episode in this morning's extended REM sleep.
3-26 Spilled. Spoiled? Spared?
3-27 Permission granted. Pr. 16:3 Brilliant!
3-28 I guess we'll wait to see what He has in store for me.
3-29 Turtle in a tortoise shell?
3-30 Hawker-centre comme déjà vu?
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