"Nice to Meet You" #1

Plunk. The copper penny spirals down and lands with a clink.
In this case, unlike many others, it really is "Nice to meet you,"
so much that I don't even say, because I know.

We walk and we talk as the sun envelops us in its soft embrace.
"Where are you from? What are you studying?"
"Really? Me too! How cool! Oh? That's interesting. I see."

Then somewhere along the line a wisp of judgment flies in. A heart breaks.
The subway clangs and screeches to a stop.

What are your hopes, what are your dreams, what are your passions?

Some questions remain for now unasked.

--EHC

Veiled Velleity.

-Taken over the summer.

I've found myself thinking of home more recently, our 舊家, though, not our new house. 我起床的時候，看到對面窗口挨近的陽光，就會想到我舊房間外面的窗口。I've found myself thinking of Singapore, too. Sometimes there's just too much here in Boston that reminds me of the 獅城。地上的磚頭，the way the mall has 三城樓 and is patterned similarly, the smell of the humidity and the rain, all that and more. And then I miss 去巴刹, and takopachi, and bus #93.

I love how Derrick randomly blasts "Everytime We Touch." My floorboards shake. :P

Anyway, I've found myself thinking in Chinese more, especially in my journal. Not so much these past few days, but in general, yeah. Singdarin, kinda, according to wiki.

Occasional contact with people back home is enjoyable. I guess in general the pleasant factor depends on who's involved, but it's been good so far. People from back home regularly ask how things are here. I'm still not sure how to answer. It's not like if I didn't like it I could do anything about it, hah. It's alright. Life has its ups and downs here, but there's definitely been more ups than downs, I think, so we're okay.

我還好啦，別擔心. =)

One of my new favorite words is "velleity." It's been a while since I've had a favorite word, unlike Evan, who has new favorite Chinese phrases every week -- recently they've been “常常,” “麵包,” and “二十六塊五.” Haha, Evan's hilarious. Anyway I suppose the reason behind my having "velleity" as a new favorite word is born partially out of my current emotional state, which has definitely fluctuated a lot more than it used to since I've gotten to school.

Lesson of the month: Don't engage in sudden movement of any sort immediately or soon after an intense emotional shift. That would explain the fractured fibula, thank you very much.

Regarding the fibula, I'm forever grateful for people here being so caring, whether it be (offering to) physically helping me get/carry stuff or visiting or chatting or walking me to class and places or just asking about my wellbeing in general (some of this applies to people back home, too) or whatnot. Having company when you're in less than tip-top shape is a tremendous boon to one's mood. Yes, Lord.

"Kaffeeklatsch" -- another cool word.

-And another cool picture from over the summer to color the cool word.

I started penning (penciling? =P) a poem recently. It's not very often that I feel like and get around to releasing thoughts in such a way, so.. I'm glad. It's something different, using 詩來表達我的心意.

I wonder if it shall remain a velleity. Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe you'll just never know. :)

Cracked Open.

I feel so broken here. It's weird. I still don't know what I'm doing here. Why am I taking Chinese, or Ec 10, or even Gov? Back in high school, not many months ago, I thought I knew the answers to some of these questions, enough to mitigate my soul and keep the hurricane under wraps. Now I wonder if those answers were superficial, if they were only something I thought I believed in, rather than what I actually trust. What do I trust? What do I know? Nowadays I have no clue. My reasoning is futile. It goes nowhere.

It's pathetic. It's horrible. I don't have the heart to stomach Neruda, so I switch on JJ Lin and Yiruma and Yuma Sung and Stefanie Sun to soothe my anxiousness. But instead the melodies make me feel like I'm in the middle of a scenic landscape or setting, and as I sit and stare out the window my thoughts rush back to me. They come not full circle, but more in spurts, and together they coagulate and form a blob and rest in the air as if they'd always been there.

I'm looking for an anchor, I'll admit it. Even though I know that all we do here on this earth tries to glorify God, and is all leading up to the day we return Home to Him, I still want to understand what we are working for on this earth. Is that too much to ask? A direction? I suspect many of my travelling companions are just as lost as I am. We're just looking for guidance. What do people do until then? Harvard's full of shopping. Shopping classes, shopping extracurriculars, and now I'm somewhat shopping fellowships. It sure is complicated, but I think I'm going to trust. To trust that God will work things out in His time and will. Yeah?

Did that end resolve seem to jump out of nowhere? Does it matter? Being around people nearly 24/7 almost requires one to have some time to oneself, I believe. Withdrawal periods of introspection after which one comes out better determined to live, to laugh, and to love. Powerful is prayer from people who care. There's something stirring about strangers-turned-acquaintances praying for you as if you were family. My mother sent me the whole of Southeast Asia and her love yesterday. Her letter made me cry. God knows I needed that.

To Him be the glory, for now and for ever and a day.

Mole's-eye view from the Yard

An awesome artistic entrywaymate called Harvard the "academic Disney World," a term he says was coined by some girl. It makes sense. On 9/11 I didn't even realize the day until it was pointed out to me in the late afternoon, and yesterday night I was looking around the Yard and thinking just how much freshman dorms seemed like hotels. The uniformity, the brick, the rectangular lit windows.

People are constantly pointing out how much pressure there is to always be eager to meet people these first few months. That observation holds truth, though it's excusable not to remember or expect to meet again everyone one upon whom once chances. Is it excusable not to try?

Can rays of sun bring order to a universe chaotic? Is that even a plausible link?

What's hardest about college so far, beyond academics, is learning to manage one's time. Setting schedules and planning things with other people makes for accountability, though, which I find very helpful. Regular/reoccurring hangouts are good.

Maybe it's because classes and extracurriculars haven't gone into high-gear, yet, but I still feel as if we're all at camp, that we're stuck in this Harvard bubble. I don't feel like we're going to return to our respective localities, no, but I do feel like I have yet to find my place and make here my home. Common traits with fewer experiences don't seem to be enough, sometimes.

From Under the Mummy Wrap.

One very important lesson learned from C.H. a few weeks ago -- I realized that it means a lot to know where you stand. To know what you may and may not do, to know what you may and may not say, and consequently, to know what you should and should not feel. It's all buried now.

I was out with the rest of RARE two Mondays ago, and seeing their smiles and sunny expressions, I was filled with a sudden, lasting yearning to take those memories and put them away, to keep them in a treasure box, locked up for our viewing whenever we choose to relive the past. Sadly, the most I can do is hold onto those mental snapshots and the precious few digital ones we have. Time, Time, You really do fly.

我幾天前看到了他。
真的沒有想象會在那裡看到他。
我感覺到像一個間諜。
我整個身體覺得更痛哦。

I realized that I enjoy first-person narratives and reflections because I like reading into people's thoughts. It's comforting knowing that other human beings experience a wide range of emotions upon stumbling into unexpected situations.

- - -

Okay, so all that above was written nine days ago. Hm.. since then..

Friendly faces are reassuring when it comes to making decisions based on principle and long and careful deliberation. Whew. I just need to remember to take things one step at a time, in all aspects of (college) life. People, academics, extracurriculars... worry-warts, go away! Don't come again any day! Hopefully the pre-college jitters will alleviate after I get on campus.

Back in 5th grade we had the Triumvirate, a group name that like many others, I coined. And now after 12th grade once in a while I think we may have a new trio, but whether or not and how much it cements remains to be seen. :)

Hm.. another thing to consider -- balance, between 1) the people who have already made their marks in my world and 2) the people who are going to take out their brushes and Sharpies starting this fall. I'm definitely afraid of drifting away from high school friends while we all go our separate ways (okay, Amy and Rica are somewhat of an exception) and meet and mingle with new people. Will it happen? Chances are.. yeah, with a few of us. :( But Rachel got me awesome froggy paper that I can use to write ya'll letters, and with Skype and Tokbox and insert another wonder of technology I think we'll manage just fine. :)

Listen to Your Heart

I saw my violin teacher for what will probably be the last time before I head off to Cambridge in a month or so. And all is hunky-dory, right? Eh. Idk. Gave her a plaque with a treble clef and a short phrase inscribed, "Life is a song, love is the music." I like it. I have one too. :)

Re-interested (it's a recurring interest) in MBTI personality types recently, after meeting up with a future classmate and finding that we hit it off just as well in person, if not better, than we do online. Tentatively (do I need a comma? I feel I should have one, but the sentence doesn't flow off one's tongue as well with one there) I speculate that she could very well end up one of my best friends in college, but hey, it's too early to say, so that's why no name. :P

My reawakened MBTI-type interest also applies to high school friends, so I'm sorry Namson's not around, as he's the only other person I know who's really into this MBTI-related stuff. D: Ah, oh well. There'll be time to discuss when he's back.

And hey, MBTI and other sorts of tests like these should only be used to aide in understanding a person, not as the primary means of getting to know someone. So in a way, not pegging people is a good thing, because if I got to know peoples' type before I took the time to know them as people, I'd probably base my interactions with them on what is said about their types. And chances are, they don't fall completely under one type. I know I don't.

我想要知道 會不會有一天 (yes, that is a reference to my guilty pleasure :-D) when I will be content, by having what Amos-from-the-lightrail said I hadn't found yet. I don't know.. it'd be agreeable to have it, I guess, but if I never found it, I'd be alright, too, I think. God will take care of things. We'll see.

Expos and placement tests and shopping period and meeting new people and signing up for activities and wandering around and.. lots coming up. We're at the cusp of youthful endeavors now, I suspect. Already August approaches. Anticipation and excitement meet with nervousness and trepidation, duking it out to a standstill for now. I'm hopeful, though. We're in for an exhilarating four years if we keep our heads up.

Radiance, arise.

I haven't eaten frozen microwave food for about a month now. A good thing. Before the two Po Pos came, I was eating microwave food everyday for a few weeks. Not healthy in any way.

I met a fairly intriguing person at SFO on Friday that I'd have liked to gotten to know better. I was musing for a few days, might momentary maiden meetings matter much? Delwin replied, "certainly such showings shall stay significant." I'd hoped so too, but it doesn't look like it. Oh well. Ya fail, DW. But still, PSA, all the best to you. I hope you successfully build your own identity as you wish.

Hard to fulfill reading list. I've had little desire to read, unless you count Memoirs of a Geisha. Now, that was difficult to put down.

I wonder about my violin, too. It used to be that I could neglect it for long periods of time, yet when I picked it up again I wouldn't want to put it down. Now I hardly care one way or the other. I wonder if I've fallen out of love with my violin? I've been more interested in piano again, recently, after watching Nodame Cantabile. I decided then that I would no longer accept self-induced mediocrity in any form.

All went downhill after Spain year of SJYS. I hope all comes back together in the fall. I fear being lukewarm. I think I need to join an orchestra again, and to make friends who love classical music as much as I do. I may have fallen out of love with my violin at the moment, but not with the violin itself. I should really get my hands on the Vitali, to heal my soul. I keep losing it.

Crocheting, on the other hand, I am getting along fine with. Below are Mousey and Bunny that I made for the two Po Pos. :)

Got up around 0500 a few days ago to webcam with the family in SG. Groggy and reluctant at first, but after seeing their faces, it was totally worth it.
The sky was gray. I usually don't like such weather, passing it off as dull, but there was a sort of quiet, somber beauty about it that morn. I shall have to rise early again several more days this summer.
Speaking of quiet, I enjoy long, comfortably silent walks. Solitary or not, little matter. When I have music in my head, time passes by just like that *snaps*.
Summer is swinging by quickly -- September fast approaches.