Time Capsules.

"Don't tell God how big your problems are, but tell your problems how big God is." A friend brought up this quote maybe a couple of weeks ago when we were bummed about.. I dunno, school? Haha, see, even the fact that I have little idea what specifics concerned us, and can only recall the context as probably regarding class choices, illustrates that as humans we are far too concerned with "little things." Matthew 6 is beautiful.. has the Lord not already taken care of all?

And if He has already offered all, shall we not run with the mentality that our work and lives here on earth are to praise Him, and to emulate the joy and peace we carry through a relationship with Him?

- - -

Yeah.. I was also thinking the other day.. do you ever write letters to people in your head? I do it every so often, I think. Sometimes I'll be hit with a particular idea/thought/observation/feeling, or struck by a connection of one to others prior, and the nature of the thought makes it so that I feel a sort of inner need to address it to someone. I want to give it to him/her (the whom being situation-dependent, of course). On the flip side, I don't always feel enough of an urging to share the contents with people in actuality, hah.

Mm.. why? I don't know.. it's not quite that I'm afraid to share my thoughts with people -- no, not generally, no, with the sort of sentiments that brim in these mental letters -- but that I'm not yet sure if it's yet the most prudent moment to do so? And keeping it within allows me to analyze them further, to pick them apart and test their validity, and perhaps realize ideas previously hidden? But yeah, until I sense a prodding of the spirit, I dunno.. it's okay. Situation, relational context, timing, openness of heart, spirit -- all those factors are out of my control, but wisdom and discretion can be honed. I hope that's what happens in these cases~



The birds caw and greet each other in a "V." Light and colors fade, and so continues the cycle of another day.

Genuinely of Heaven

I've been itching to get this post out for a while now (not that long, actually) because it makes me excited, hehe. Which leads me to wonder what in life we're excited to share with our friends, why we hold such excitement, and so on. It also makes me think of how at church they say you should be excited to share the Gospel with friends and people around you (not that I'm not, just that this is what the whole thing makes me think of).

“天真” (tian1 zhen1) -- oh, what a beautiful word! Haha. I was thinking of WL a few days ago, just picking apart his personality in my head, and suddenly, it came to me, "In some ways he is very 天真." Huh.. what does that mean?

Now, the conventional translation of this word into English as "innocent" or "naive," which, in my books, more often than not doesn't carry the most pleasant connotation. It's hard to apply the word as such to WL, though. I don't find him naive or innocent in knowledge of the ways in which many people choose to conduct themselves, "the ways of the world" and whatnot. No, in that sense he has at least some idea of what goes on. Hm, perhaps it can best be said that he is able to retain a sense of purity, or.. separateness/otherness.. he knows of the world and engages enough with it, but doesn't fall victim to its every allurement?

When I came to that idea, somehow the neurons linked it to how Jesus says to his disciples that whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will not be able to enter (Luke 18:17). (I'm not quite comparing WL to a little child, though it may be true sometimes, but still, haha.) Like a flash: "天" = day or sky. But it can also mean "of heaven"! To be "真" is to be real, true, or genuine. Put those together! Ohh, "天真" -- how beautiful a word, and how beautiful a description, that this person may be genuinely of heaven! :) It could be that his decisions to act selectively reflect a childlike faith (Note: not the faith one has a child, but faith as pure, radiant, and untainted as children should and tend to be), haha. I do hope so, for that would be glorious indeed..

But yeah, oh, the beauty of the Chinese language, hehe. I pray that we may all be 天真 -- not naive, but choosing in spite of and with our knowledge of "the world" to seek out and follow a Christ of faith, hope, and love, a Savior and Friend whose constant presence brings us more joy that we can ever otherwise know or imagine! =)

贊美之泉 Stream of Praise

Some of us were talking during Urbana about how the musical worship team didn't do any Asian-language songs. If you're still craving one, here's one that may whet your appetite. And if you don't read any Asian scripts, it's okay, never fear! Read on! :D

Here is my attempt to romanize and translate the words of an old praise and worship song by the musical group Stream of Praise, or 贊美之泉. I was reading up on their concert schedule yesterday night, and decided to search up just their name on Youtube. Lo and behold at what came up! I found the first song of theirs I'd ever listened to, from like 10+ years ago, haha, when my mom received the CD as a gift. Today, when I searched up the lyrics, I was surprised to find that they are so short, compared to those of English songs, and that they just.. repeat, like.. 3 times, haha.

Anyway, comments, critiques, and corrections are welcome (and may be warranted, as I won't pretend to have spent much time with this)! I pray that at least some of the original essence may waft through, but in any case, perhaps this will be edifying to anyone seeking to explore praise and worship in Chinese =) or even if you're just interested in learning more Chinese. If you prefer to (learn to) read Simplified, well, plug in the lyrics here! I've found it to be pretty reliable in the past. Yup.



詩歌名稱： 贊美之泉 / Song Title: Stream of Praise
所屬專輯： 讓贊美飛揚 / Album: Let Praise Rise
所在系列： 贊美之泉系列 / Genre: Praise and Worship
備注： N/A

歌詞 / Lyrics (credits)：

從天父而來的愛和恩典
cong tian fu er lai de ai he en dian
Through the love and grace that comes from the Heavenly Father
把我們冰冷的心溶解
ba wo men bing leng de xin rong jie
The coldness of our hearts has been dissolved
讓我們獻出每個音符
rang wo men xian chu mei ge yin fu
Let us offer every note in song
把它化為贊美之泉
ba ta hua wei zan mei zhi quan
In a stream of praise to Him

讓我們張開口 舉起手
rang wo men zhang kai kou, ju qi shou
Let us open our mouths and raise our hands
向永生之主稱謝
xiang yong sheng zhi zhu cheng xie
In praise and thanksgiving to the eternal God (literally: ever-living)
使贊美之泉流入
shi zan mei zhi quan, liu ru
To cause streams of praise to flow
每個人的心間
mei ge ren de xin jian
From the hearts of all men

- - -

"¹ Praise the LORD!

Praise the LORD, O my soul!
² While I live I will praise the LORD;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being."

-Psalm 146: 1-2 (NKJV)

Are you alive, awake, and well?

Consumed. That's how I feel when I listen to this song. And at the same time, I want to consume it. Not like eat it, but like.. wrap my whole being around it. Well.. almost. I wish there were more of a male voice in it. For balance and harmony.

I haven't been sleeping very well these past three days. Days as in not just nights but also 24-hour days, at least with today. And not sleeping well as in, for example, fighting to stay awake until 2300, collapsing in bed several minutes ensuing the hour, and then waking up just before 0245 and not being able to put myself to rest again for another hour or so. And I'm not "the type" who usually deals with being nocturnal, which made me especially concerned, somewhat.

I don't know. I'm pretty sure I know why I was restless those first two nights. Mamas L&E (would) say I'm being too hard on myself regarding this issue, but I don't know. It bothers me that I don't know how real it is. Or no, scratch that out, not that I doubt its existence or having manifested itself the way it did, but in that I don't know how meaningful it can be. And perhaps I don't dare find out. I think this also affirmed my view, after I'd seen it so, that in some aspects of life I still subscribe to very traditional, socially-reinforced human ways of doing things. As John 1 shows us through how Jesus chose to single Simon-Peter out instead of his brother Andrew, even though the latter came first, God has ways of working that really defy and fly in the face of human logic. I don't know (a constant and reoccurring theme, it seems) how much this statement relates to the particular aforementioned situation or others like it, though now that I think about it, perhaps it has more to contribute than what I'd previously opened my ears and heart to. In any regard, though, it's precious, as Mama L said. And I agree. Very much so, for what smites it down is pride.

How ugly.

How sad.

Oh dear. I'm a fan of verbs, as well as etymology. Examining some already used, I laugh. Almost jeeringly at myself, but more in appreciation of God chuckling to Himself somewhere. Double the possible interpretations, indeed.

Anyway, with regards to the third night, I'm not sure why I woke up so suddenly. The manner in which it occurred was not pretty, though. Just realizing a) how blackened my heart is, and b) how sick the world is, in many ways unseen, was really disturbing. Yeah. God has a lot of work to do here. But also, I woke up later this time, at an hour that makes sense in none of the three time zones I've been shuffling around in for the past few weeks. It could hold meaning in a couple of other environments that spring to mind, but I'd prefer not to entertain the idea that something wrong has happened in any of those. Though I suspect, I don't know.. once again.

In any case, that's been a lot of words already, and while I do have some more that I think I'd like to append here, I'll add them on later, perhaps sometime in the next few days. Until then, 잘자, all. The Lord doesn't sleep (Psalm 121), but I pray we do, at least until we need to no more.

Motive for Metaphor

Blech, I look at the writing in my previous post or two and I cringe, haha. Not so much at the thoughts as at the language itself, though. Eh.

Hm, lots of ideas offered to me during Urbana, need time to process and filter and think. Eunice calls me a "verbal processor," lol. I realize I only do it, though, when I have people around me whom I can trust and engage in discussion of ideas. Otherwise it's more mental processing inside with God, which is good too.

Yeah, anyway. Not sure it's good to put so many big thoughts out here so soon after Urbana. The rest of my room called me "the thinker" during our time together, but I would first like to see how long these thoughts will shuffle around in my head. God will see to it that He uses them or sets them aside as He wills, though. I'll leave these for le moment, and perhaps more will surface and be fished out later. I hope to involve them more in these next few days and weeks, to not let them languish, and to explore more what they mean and propose.

I think I'm more ready to admit/acknowlege/declare (a mixture of the three) now that my thoughts are in music, though. If one can call them thoughts, that is. But whatever they are, melodies are the default going-on inside this cranium. Other (sorts of) language do occur, but at higher levels of consciousness, I think. Not higher in the sense of hierarchy, but in modes of awareness. Yeah. The thoughts will come.

Untie the Knots

There are things I just don't know (well, duh, comes any reply). But some things disappeared without my even having known. I only noticed sometime after the loss, and by then could only approach the situation with a sense of uneasy yet practical acknowledgement. Do they even matter anymore? How much? How much did they matter in the first place?

Some things are but should not be. Should they matter if they never did before? Why so?

On the other hand, some things that used to matter don't anymore, which is freeing, liberating, relieving. I am glad.

- - -

Quotes that I used to use to define my being -- dangerous, and not good, I know (save the last, that one I was simply tickled by every time I heard it):

"The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit."
- Nelson Henderson

" 'But I like the inconveniences.'
'We don't,' said the Controller. 'We prefer to do things comfortably.'
'But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.'
'In fact,' said Mustapha Mond, 'you're claiming the right to be unhappy.'
'All right then,' said the Savage defiantly, 'I'm claiming the right to be unhappy.'
'Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen to-morrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind.' There was a long silence.
'I claim them all,' said the Savage at last.
Mustapha Mond shrugged his shoulders. 'You're welcome,' he said."
- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

"LIES!" - Amy Le

- - -

I crave conversation that matters. Interestingly enough, that isn't as easy to find here as I had thought it would be. A lot of people have a lot of things on their minds, and so prefer to keep conversation light and for the most part, harmless, rather than open up extant wounds by delving deeper and exploring what is really on their hearts. And it makes me restless that at times it can be easier to get into good conversation with people who fall outside my immediate circle than to do so with those who are within. Not that I do not delight in conversing with both parties, but sometimes I think/feel that at least with the latter, talk should be more substantive than chatter.

I've also found more and more that I don't enjoy it when people feel the need to keep up the conversation for the sake of being eristic. I have better things to do than sit there and encourage, passively or not, the expansion of one's ego. There is better company to keep.

A sense of gloom overtook me some days ago. It came when ML called me to say good bye and wish me a good break, and settled immediately after. I think the call made me think of how much I would miss some people here while away. The only other time that I can remember carrying around anything like this with me is earlier this year, what was in the middle of winter before spring.

So I'm currently sitting in Logan waiting for a 6:00 AM flight and I have just over 1.25 more hrs to go. I figure I'll stay awake by organizing these thoughts that have sat here for quite some time and are most certainly waiting to take shape.

... ^ that was the goal... didn't happen, haha. Back at home, though. Unsure what exactly I'm feeling. Sunshine never felt so good, oh Lord, green was never so attractive (the grass and whatnot), and the sky was never so blue.

Winter

Yeah, it's been a while since I last posted... over two months! Wow, I don't think I've ever had such a long time gap here. But yeah, I haven't quite drawn out enough to post... every time I think of something, I scribble it down in shorthand in a running draft post, but a lot of those ideas have just been floating around, not ready yet to be plucked from the air and molded into form.

A bit mopey now; some would call it brooding but I'm not sure I like the term. Anyway, a poem until next:

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound’s the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.