Encouragement

"The Road Not Taken"
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- - -

I need reassurance. I need someone to tell me not to worry. I need, and really want, to trust in God's goodness and His love.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -- Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

- - -

"Surrender"

Of long and winding, lyric roads
And myriad paths to be explored
Of dreams and paths and causes like
Of these I dream, in them I pour

Some part of me - no! - all of me
that cries and screams and seeks the light
Yet shies away, with diffidence.
Of this I am ashamed.

How hard it is to make remain
My trust in self, my confidence
So if they do, the credit's due
To one and only Providence.

For He gives aide when others fail
And comforts me when down I fall
To Him submit I wind and sail
To Him give I my soul, my all.

No claims on self I make.

--EHC

- - -

"Trust in Him will all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."-- Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Bible study at Kimsa's tonight was good. Really enjoyed it, hope to attend more to come. Grateful for brothers and sisters in Christ.

- - -

And we end..


"Holy is the Lord" - Chris Tomlin

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing
Everyone sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown
It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown

And together we sing, everyone sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

Whimsies.

"Everything will turn out right in the end -- if it's not right.... then it's not the end."

- - -

What comes to mind when we say..

Lists: shopping list, grocery list, to do list, agenda, planner, schedule, timetable, itenerary, packing list, items, what to bring, what to do

Lines: queues, waiting, checkout, counter, scanning, wait-time, open, close, patience, people

- - -

"Grab on life, sit just right, and hang tight through the joyride." <-- penned by yours truly in a crazy moment of .. motivation and determination.

- - -

Xanga's feature question today is "What did you want to be when you were a child?"

I'll answer it.

"When I was a child, I wanted to be the Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. That was my dream job."

Really. I decided that when I was 9 or 10 years old because I believed and still believe the judicial branch to be the strongest of the U.S.A.'s three branches. To be at the top is to be able to uphold integrity at the highest level. It is to make decisions that will impact (hopefully rightly) the lives of millions of people, to set precedents for future decisions to come, and to interpret the highest law of the land. It is, simply, to wield all this power for the glory of God and the good of mankind.

- - -

I am engaging in more introspection than usual these days in order to reveal a whole piece of a whole me to complete strangers.

Bring it on.

About my principles. And other thoughts at the moment.

I give everyone my absolute trust and the benefit of the doubt unless I discover reason not to.

I support my friends completely and with my utmost until I am given a reason not to.

I choose to delay because fulfillment would mean complete uncovering of the soul, complete baring of anything and everything inside that yearns for a breath of fresh air, that yearns to be set free. And I am afraid.

Beautiful quote from Kimsa's blog, I shall borrow - "A girl should love God so much that any guy who wants to get to know her has to get to know God first."-A.P. Amen, sista, amen.

The violin expresses itself beautifully. It speaks and it hums, purrs and laughs, groans and murmurs, it cries with delight, it weeps in sorrow, it pines and it longs and it sighs.* Respite from troubles and woes of the heart.

Music is truly the language of angels.

*Franck Violin Sonata. Movements 1 and 4.

~ ~ ~

' "But I like the inconveniences."

"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."

"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."

"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."

"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen to-morrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind." There was a long silence.

"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.

Mustapha Mond shrugged his shoulders. "You're welcome," he said.'

- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

I didn't think I'd like Brave New World. The first time I picked it up, in 7th grade, I was recoiled at the horrors described within the first two pages, and I declined to read the rest of it. This time, the first 10 pages or so really shocked me, and I really wanted to ask permission to abstain from reading it. But as I went on, it got better and better. And having reached the end and gone over many parts multiple times, I can truly say that it's now one of my favorite books, because of the themes it holds.

~ ~ ~



I first heard this song from Keith's iPod during closing one Saturday night. I usually don't remember popular songs, but this one was especially catchy, and one line caught me in particular. Actually, it was a word - "fly." Made me recall certain things. So I memorized that line and a few around it, and looked it up when I got home.

But yeah, now it's one of my favorites and I know it by heart.


..


Half-smile.

American Classics.

5 Things About Me That I Find Weird/Unique/Unusual - taken from Ting

1. I want to learn Latin. After seeing The Da Vinci Code, I became somewhat apprehensive about this one, but not anymore. I'm back to being me. Latin's dead (useful).

2. I enjoy jazz very much. Jazzy stuff too, like Bernstein and Gershwin. Good music. I like trying to figure where the melodies will flow and stream and what they'll become, and it's always an incredible journey going through a piece of jazz music, even if I don't yet fully understand its rhetoric like I do classical's.

3. I'm not in a hurry to drive. Lame, yeah. But hey, I like being chauffered around. Makes my life easier. The only reason I want to learn to drive is for convenience's sake, and so as to move away from inconveniencing others. Oh and did I mention, for getting away from things? Think the airplane passage in "A Motive for Metaphor."

4. I write in the air. Of course, I don't produce any lastingly visible words. I write with pencils, pens, violin bows, chopsticks, and other long and thin objects of that sort. Often times my "air writing" has more curlicues, I think. Reveals thoughts and whims.

5. I have perfect pitch, but I can't vocally carry a note to save my life. I suppose I don't sing too horribly, but it's nowhere as accurate as my playing. I can hear the notes in my head and playing them out, I find they're just fine. However, the challenge is in getting the vocal cords to cooperate. Yeah.

- - -

Yeah, so I finally did that. Ting tagged me a while ago, and I actually jotted down the basic topics for those five items a few weeks ago, but I left it an unpublished and unpolished draft until tonight. Yeah. Today's August 31st, but I don't feel like publishing again in August, so I shall wait until September 1st. It's only about 42 minutes away. Mm.

Started some important documents today. Yeah, they're called college apps. Wonderful. Reading through the essay and short-response topics for one application, I found it fascinating that college admissions officers had learned to write questions that, if answered throughly, concisely, and with personality, could tell one very much about the applicant. I suppose it's meant to be that way - duh. But still, if an admissions officer were to spend time poring over a good set of responses, s/he could get to know an applicant much better much faster than one of us ordinary folk usually gets to know someone. I just found that fact very fascinating. Yeah.

School's a drag so far. Yay for outside gatherings of friends and fanfare. (The second word there just sounded nice. Friendly. And I'm currently listening to the Boston Pops Orchestra, so hey, it fits.) Whatever. We'll live.

Kinda thankful not working anymore. Would be terribly taxing, even more than things already are. Eh. Other stuff to worry about. Academics, life, family, friends, clubs, apps, etc. <-- Jumbled-up priorities reflect fatigue. Uh huh.

I'm thinking about marching bands now. Ah. Definitely gotta remember to clear the schedule for the IHS invitational this year.

Just when I think I know what I want to do with life, when I have a game plan going, and it's made up of things I do well, things shift, and for a few split seconds I'm at a loss. This isn't the greatest time for life decisions to be changing. The problem is, I don't particularly stand out in anything, and the two academic areas I find most interest in are polar opposites. Really. Sure, people say I do well in many areas, I know that. They're partially correct. My personal view at times, when the ego is flat (when I start thinking more about schools and the future, it's either flat or it's bloated, and I don't like myself when it's either of those; I prefer not analyzing myself in such situations) is that I'm good ENOUGH at a lot of things. Just enough so that people in many areas have heard of my reputation, and hence, many more people think I'm good at many things. Sigh. I told that to someone's dad once. He laughed. Hah. I don't know if I even believe myself, hah. Lovely.

Excuse my insecurities. Thank you.

Yeah. I'm just letting things out. Gonna go with what I'm more sure of. Thinking more rationally now. I hope.

Porous

Tonight I am only articulating what I have in these past few days identified in myself. I think there's something deeper that I haven't reeled in yet, and while I usually wait for my sentiments to settle in comfortably before I share them with the world, this time, it just feels differently. So, here goes.

I am caught up in a futile attempt to push the pause button on Time, I am trying in vain to avoid this inevitable turning point, I am doing what I can to prolong these moments, yet I know that in the end it's gonna work out different. Mm. I think that my mind has resigned itself to this certain fate, but my heart has yet not. But you know what? I tell myself that life will go on, because the beat goes on.

I'm stuck between knowing what's better for me versus what I want to do now. Used to be, back in the day, that logic would win, hands down and no questions asked. And why not? Things were logical. I guess this time's different because I've allowed some sentiment to seep in, maybe a little too much? I really couldn't help it - this opportunity only comes once a year. First time July-August 2004 and from then on, from the moment I knew it existed, impossible not to hunger for.

Sounds like a big deal? Somewhat, not really. 'Tis more of a feeling one receives than something outrightly tangible. Well, the material benefits exist too. But that's not the main point.

Blah. I'm already revealing too much here. Even if it doesn't make sense. Or perhaps it does. I don't know. It's fear, huh?

Simple life, day-to-day? I've been living for the today this whole summer, so I guess it's only fair that I spend a good-sized portion of the next couple of months living for the tomorrow.

I really can't imagine school starting again. It seems so surreal. It's unbelievable. I can't bring myself to face the fact that we're all growing up, that life's moving us along, and that sooner or later, we'll have to say our goodbyes. Maybe some of this explains my procrastination habits that have built up in recent years. Hah. I'll have to look into that one sometime. Sigh.

At the end of the day it all has to do with facing fear and closure, and coming to terms with oneself and one's place in life. Have I done that yet? Not completely, it sure seems. Well then, guess I'll have to get a move on.

Laziness

So this is me being lazy. Taking online quizzes and posting the more accurate results here, some of which describe qualities more superficial than others do. Deleted out one absolutely false statement ("tend to change friends easily" or something like that).

For your pleasure and my memory.

What's Your Dosha?

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

How Do You Live Your Life?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You prefer a variety of friends. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What's Your Personality Cluster?

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Thinking

You are: Objective, honest, and credible Intellectually curious, with many diverse interests More inclined toward ideas than people Fiercely independent and unapologetically unconventional

The Five Factor Values Test

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

Mist and snow and haze and hail

A bit over a month ago, sometime in mid to late June, I was talking to a friend, and he was questioning me about a very important part of my life and the decisions I'd be making to influence it. After a few minutes of ho-hum I was able to give him enough of an answer to satiate his appetite for the moment, but I did so without revealing too much - to leave myself some wiggle room, you could say. And yeah, I guess he knew this too, by the looks of the below:

wildmanwu27 (9:23:53 PM): very vague you are

.

Yes, I am vague, by nature. Sometimes I am evasive too. All I know is that I am so to save me the pain of having to disappoint people.

See, there is little question in anyone's mind that people expect great things from me. I do not mean to sound arrogant, but really, everyone thinks I'll end up at crazy places ( = crazy college places) and do crazy things ( = crazy tangibly rewarding career stuffs). Eh. Who are they to say, most of whom have done neither? I'm flattered that people think highly of my abilities, but once in a while, I wonder what they'll all think if I don't make it big. I begin imagining scenarios and mentally preparing myself for the worst.

And other times I berate myself for caring so much about what others think of me. It's not like worrying ever made a difference. At least, not by itself it didn't.

Sigh.