Outpouring of Dynamics Enclosed in a Fist

Bars 62-beginning of 65, 97-105ish of Phantom of the Opera are heavenly, moving, stirring, touching. All of that and more. The pulsation and lyricism.. amazing.

And some scattered thoughts..

1. Placed upon a pedestal. A white, marble pedestal. It's gonna be a long and hard fall. Puffy pillows at the bottom, please, God?

2. Weaving a golden thread amongst all the reds and blues and greens and browns and yellows. It's the colors that make it beautiful; the gold that makes it shine.

3. 86 days between Oct 17th and Jan 11th. The first date is when Congress passed the Military Commissions Act, which "made it lawful to hold prisoners indefinitely without charge or trial, to assume guilt before innocence, to blur the definition of torture, and to use information obtained through brutal treatment as evidence.' " (from http://www.aiusa.org/) And January 11th marks the anniversary of the first detainee transferred to Guantánamo Bay. Might do something about it for AI. Not sure yet.

4. I am perpetually grateful for kindred spirits, for people one can speak to about just anything, for those who meet me halfway and walk with me forward, for those who take me as I am.

5. I realized I'm often reserved with expressing my feelings, with the ever-exception of when the subject's something I'm passionate about, like human rights. Hee. I'll work on it, maybe. We'll see.

6. I miss my violin, playing it, its music, the soothing feeling, all of that. I miss the silky notes of Franck and Rimsky-Korsakov.

And that is all for now. God keep you all, whether you keep Him or not. I believe in Him.

Daisies and Ponies.

I don't actually lol when I say "lol," do you? It's more like a "Hah/Mm/I see" type of phrase for this chica. <-- Yeah, Rica's influence. I've forgotten all my French anyhow.

I thought junior year was supposed to be the hardest, yet here I am, struggling in senior year. Last year was a piece of cake, comparatively. Not a great piece of cake, but hey, edible. This year? I guess most things don't work out the way they're "supposed" to.

One learns things in the most unexpected times and manners. Sometimes you think you've got everything all figured out, and then life throws you a curve ball. Or it splashes a cold bucket onto you to wake you up back to reality and remind you that oh, you do need to do this or that, whether you like it or not. Sometimes, it just does gotta be you. (Yeah, bad grammar, but the phrase sounds nice at 0130.)

It's odd how some thoughts I just can't type. I can't share what I was thinking two nights ago, stuff that I wanted to post them but was too tired to type out. The thoughts are past. They just don't really feel .. right, any more.

I love conspiracies. They're so much fun. Of course, I'm not speaking of serious, heavy stuff. Just fun things between friends. Hehe. Yeah.

I haven't seen the Bimonthly gals in a long time. Yikes. We need to get together sometime soon. Flower books! And the related. I'm running low on good chocolate. Been craving sweets/chocolate recently, when stressed. Agh. Bad for the health.

Daffodils, dandelions, daisies, and damsels.. in distress. Dark, darn, damn, drats, darkie, darning, damning, drastic, dreary. What's with all the D's? I certainly sound pessimistic. Anyway..

Tired, kinda. By now somewhat used to staying up late. But yeah, sleep is good, and my biorhythms are out of sync, I suspect. Lotta college jazz to polish this weekend. For now, physics. Sigh.

Until we meet again.

Moving On.

NY Phil. Couldn't find good pics of Boston Symphony. But both are good, no prefs. NY Phil opened this season with a wonderful Dvorak program, and they featured Izthak Perlman, and Yo-Yo Ma with Joey's song! Love! Wonder if I'll ever be a part of something like this again.

- - -

Sometimes I tense up when people I care about display potentially negative behaviors that I feel to be contrary to their personalities, when they display these behaviors that make me uncomfortable just because such actions were unexpected from them. And for a minute, I feel betrayed. But then God and logic kick in and remind me that I have no right to feel betrayed because there are times when I don't know people as well as I think I do, and people are not obligated to act to suit me. Maybe said actions are just anomalies; even if they aren't, whatever. I certainly am not flawless, so who am I to judge? Have to expect some blend of nature vs. nurture, and our actions don't always directly reveal who we are. So I relax. I pledge I will trust people's long-standing behaviors to speak more sincerely, rationally, for their characters than I will several instances of sporadic aberrance; I can only hope others may do the same for me.

That is all I have to say for now.

P.S. MK, it's not you. So don't worry.

- - -

My hands are cold. I'd wear mittens if with them I could easily scroll the mouse on this laptop. Sigh. Sadly, that is not the case.

And we proceed to studying incestuous catastrophes.

Encouragement

"The Road Not Taken"
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- - -

I need reassurance. I need someone to tell me not to worry. I need, and really want, to trust in God's goodness and His love.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -- Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

- - -

"Surrender"

Of long and winding, lyric roads
And myriad paths to be explored
Of dreams and paths and causes like
Of these I dream, in them I pour

Some part of me - no! - all of me
that cries and screams and seeks the light
Yet shies away, with diffidence.
Of this I am ashamed.

How hard it is to make remain
My trust in self, my confidence
So if they do, the credit's due
To one and only Providence.

For He gives aide when others fail
And comforts me when down I fall
To Him submit I wind and sail
To Him give I my soul, my all.

No claims on self I make.

--EHC

- - -

"Trust in Him will all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."-- Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Bible study at Kimsa's tonight was good. Really enjoyed it, hope to attend more to come. Grateful for brothers and sisters in Christ.

- - -

And we end..


"Holy is the Lord" - Chris Tomlin

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing
Everyone sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown
It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown

And together we sing, everyone sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

Whimsies.

"Everything will turn out right in the end -- if it's not right.... then it's not the end."

- - -

What comes to mind when we say..

Lists: shopping list, grocery list, to do list, agenda, planner, schedule, timetable, itenerary, packing list, items, what to bring, what to do

Lines: queues, waiting, checkout, counter, scanning, wait-time, open, close, patience, people

- - -

"Grab on life, sit just right, and hang tight through the joyride." <-- penned by yours truly in a crazy moment of .. motivation and determination.

- - -

Xanga's feature question today is "What did you want to be when you were a child?"

I'll answer it.

"When I was a child, I wanted to be the Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. That was my dream job."

Really. I decided that when I was 9 or 10 years old because I believed and still believe the judicial branch to be the strongest of the U.S.A.'s three branches. To be at the top is to be able to uphold integrity at the highest level. It is to make decisions that will impact (hopefully rightly) the lives of millions of people, to set precedents for future decisions to come, and to interpret the highest law of the land. It is, simply, to wield all this power for the glory of God and the good of mankind.

- - -

I am engaging in more introspection than usual these days in order to reveal a whole piece of a whole me to complete strangers.

Bring it on.

About my principles. And other thoughts at the moment.

I give everyone my absolute trust and the benefit of the doubt unless I discover reason not to.

I support my friends completely and with my utmost until I am given a reason not to.

I choose to delay because fulfillment would mean complete uncovering of the soul, complete baring of anything and everything inside that yearns for a breath of fresh air, that yearns to be set free. And I am afraid.

Beautiful quote from Kimsa's blog, I shall borrow - "A girl should love God so much that any guy who wants to get to know her has to get to know God first."-A.P. Amen, sista, amen.

The violin expresses itself beautifully. It speaks and it hums, purrs and laughs, groans and murmurs, it cries with delight, it weeps in sorrow, it pines and it longs and it sighs.* Respite from troubles and woes of the heart.

Music is truly the language of angels.

*Franck Violin Sonata. Movements 1 and 4.

~ ~ ~

' "But I like the inconveniences."

"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."

"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."

"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."

"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen to-morrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind." There was a long silence.

"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.

Mustapha Mond shrugged his shoulders. "You're welcome," he said.'

- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

I didn't think I'd like Brave New World. The first time I picked it up, in 7th grade, I was recoiled at the horrors described within the first two pages, and I declined to read the rest of it. This time, the first 10 pages or so really shocked me, and I really wanted to ask permission to abstain from reading it. But as I went on, it got better and better. And having reached the end and gone over many parts multiple times, I can truly say that it's now one of my favorite books, because of the themes it holds.

~ ~ ~



I first heard this song from Keith's iPod during closing one Saturday night. I usually don't remember popular songs, but this one was especially catchy, and one line caught me in particular. Actually, it was a word - "fly." Made me recall certain things. So I memorized that line and a few around it, and looked it up when I got home.

But yeah, now it's one of my favorites and I know it by heart.


..


Half-smile.

American Classics.

5 Things About Me That I Find Weird/Unique/Unusual - taken from Ting

1. I want to learn Latin. After seeing The Da Vinci Code, I became somewhat apprehensive about this one, but not anymore. I'm back to being me. Latin's dead (useful).

2. I enjoy jazz very much. Jazzy stuff too, like Bernstein and Gershwin. Good music. I like trying to figure where the melodies will flow and stream and what they'll become, and it's always an incredible journey going through a piece of jazz music, even if I don't yet fully understand its rhetoric like I do classical's.

3. I'm not in a hurry to drive. Lame, yeah. But hey, I like being chauffered around. Makes my life easier. The only reason I want to learn to drive is for convenience's sake, and so as to move away from inconveniencing others. Oh and did I mention, for getting away from things? Think the airplane passage in "A Motive for Metaphor."

4. I write in the air. Of course, I don't produce any lastingly visible words. I write with pencils, pens, violin bows, chopsticks, and other long and thin objects of that sort. Often times my "air writing" has more curlicues, I think. Reveals thoughts and whims.

5. I have perfect pitch, but I can't vocally carry a note to save my life. I suppose I don't sing too horribly, but it's nowhere as accurate as my playing. I can hear the notes in my head and playing them out, I find they're just fine. However, the challenge is in getting the vocal cords to cooperate. Yeah.

- - -

Yeah, so I finally did that. Ting tagged me a while ago, and I actually jotted down the basic topics for those five items a few weeks ago, but I left it an unpublished and unpolished draft until tonight. Yeah. Today's August 31st, but I don't feel like publishing again in August, so I shall wait until September 1st. It's only about 42 minutes away. Mm.

Started some important documents today. Yeah, they're called college apps. Wonderful. Reading through the essay and short-response topics for one application, I found it fascinating that college admissions officers had learned to write questions that, if answered throughly, concisely, and with personality, could tell one very much about the applicant. I suppose it's meant to be that way - duh. But still, if an admissions officer were to spend time poring over a good set of responses, s/he could get to know an applicant much better much faster than one of us ordinary folk usually gets to know someone. I just found that fact very fascinating. Yeah.

School's a drag so far. Yay for outside gatherings of friends and fanfare. (The second word there just sounded nice. Friendly. And I'm currently listening to the Boston Pops Orchestra, so hey, it fits.) Whatever. We'll live.

Kinda thankful not working anymore. Would be terribly taxing, even more than things already are. Eh. Other stuff to worry about. Academics, life, family, friends, clubs, apps, etc. <-- Jumbled-up priorities reflect fatigue. Uh huh.

I'm thinking about marching bands now. Ah. Definitely gotta remember to clear the schedule for the IHS invitational this year.

Just when I think I know what I want to do with life, when I have a game plan going, and it's made up of things I do well, things shift, and for a few split seconds I'm at a loss. This isn't the greatest time for life decisions to be changing. The problem is, I don't particularly stand out in anything, and the two academic areas I find most interest in are polar opposites. Really. Sure, people say I do well in many areas, I know that. They're partially correct. My personal view at times, when the ego is flat (when I start thinking more about schools and the future, it's either flat or it's bloated, and I don't like myself when it's either of those; I prefer not analyzing myself in such situations) is that I'm good ENOUGH at a lot of things. Just enough so that people in many areas have heard of my reputation, and hence, many more people think I'm good at many things. Sigh. I told that to someone's dad once. He laughed. Hah. I don't know if I even believe myself, hah. Lovely.

Excuse my insecurities. Thank you.

Yeah. I'm just letting things out. Gonna go with what I'm more sure of. Thinking more rationally now. I hope.